MARCH 26 — Naturally, as Hari Raya approaches, we feel the adrenaline rush gushing through our nervous bodies and anxious minds. How could it not? It’s the most anticipated celebration of the year, a time to reconnect with loved ones and bask in the festive spirit.
But as excitement builds, tension follows. Manners often get lost in the hustle and bustle, especially in a society where we’re raised to be reserved and avoid friction.
As we prepare to open our doors to the rare sight of distant relatives with limited knowledge of our state of mind, certain mental preparations need to be considered so the week can be wrapped up on a pleasant note.
Hari Raya is, at its core, about forgiveness. After a month of spiritual rejuvenation and practicing better habits, it’s finally time to forgive and forget. But remember, mercy isn’t free. We each hold the responsibility of fostering peace and maintaining harmony during this season.
Religion too, has long emphasised the importance of good manners when visiting others’ homes, a lesson most of us learned in school’s religious studies. However, in the frenzy of preparations, these teachings can easily slip from memory and straight into the trash chute.
Hari Raya is, at its core, about forgiveness. After a month of spiritual rejuvenation and practicing better habits, it’s finally time to forgive and forget. — Picture by Farhan Najib
So, what should we keep in mind during this special occasion? Here are some tips on how to be a gracious guest:
Visiting? Call first!
Plan your visits accordingly and call first before visiting. Yes, we are all to expect guests gracing our doors on this August occasion, but excellent hosts need to have their expectations set too. So be considerate of their time and efforts to ensure your visit won’t become a source of stress.
A simple alert via call or text on your arrival would make a great difference and alleviate unnecessary stress on the host’s side. Remember, this is everyone’s celebration and not only yours.
Zip your mouth in case you’re about to say something outrageous
When visiting, remind yourselves you are entering into someone else’s personal space, with personal belongings each with its private memories and significance unknown to the outside world. Being wary of your tone is imperative.
If the table arrangement doesn’t suit your taste, keep it to yourself.
If the silverware is a bit stained, quietly replace it with another piece.
If the host has introduced a new dessert or dish, compliment them for trying something different, or simply stay silent.
It’s important to remember your place as a distant relative in another distant relative’s home. In fact, this shouldn’t only be limited to distant relatives but close ones as well.
Finish your food
It’s a hoot to share the number of houses you’ve visited in a single day and the wide array of foods served to you, but with a gracious host, comes a gracious guest. And a gracious guest is one who finishes their plate.
Make sure you ration your food intake wisely when you’re visiting more than two houses and clear your plate in each of them.
Remind yourselves of the effort put into preparing these dishes. In this economy, nobody would bother cooking Beef Rendang on a random Monday afternoon unless it’s meant to commemorate a very special annual occasion.
Rest your toddlers and save other people’s ears from hysterical screams
While it might seem inconsiderate coming from someone without children, noise pollution is a real thing and children running out of energy is also a very, very real thing.
Take note if the home you’re visiting includes elderly family members, patients, or those who have recently experienced a loss. Practicing empathy can go a long way in creating a peaceful atmosphere.
Feel free to take a break from visiting if your little ones are showing signs of exhaustion or fatigue. And no, the host will not close their homes if you miss out on the first day. As the rest would say, “Raya kan sebulan!” (Raya lasts a month!)
Job, marriage, and money aren’t everything. Ask something else!
Part of being a good guest is the ability to be a good conversationalist. Cut off the awkwardness and the overused inquiries on jobs and marriage calls and squeeze some of those creative juices with enthralling discourses.
Make the host feel seen, loved, and appreciated. Ask them about their hobbies, and new inclinations, share about your own adventures over the past year, and get others excited to share theirs as well.
Take out that photo album and reminisce on the good times. This is especially a thoughtful gesture if your host has just recently lost a loved one. Craft moving conversations less centered on a single person and be inclusive.
I hope this reaches those who need it most. Festivities can be a difficult time for some to navigate as we each are dealt with different cards outside of our control. But what we can control is our response to the outside world. It’s never too late to foster an emotionally well-informed community and ease the way for some of us who can’t quite grasp the festive spirit.
Everything you do and say at a gathering carries weight, so be intentional with your actions and words.
* This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of Malay Mail.
